Monday, April 14, 2008
Growing Up = Forgetting
Sometimes I think I'm growing up. Then I realize I'm just getting older. Maybe I have learned a thing or two since then, but I'm basically the same. Maybe I've learned how to deal with different types of situations or emotions differently than a child would, but isn't that just to fit into social norms? Aren't people basically the same as they were since development? I'm basically the same as I was 10 years ago, except I keep forgetting things. I continue to "learn" things for school (cram so that I'll be able to regurgitate it out on a test. But in the process of focusing so much on facts and data and physical phenomena and grades and papers I've been losing myself. It's almost like while I have been worrying so much about those things I've forgotten what I like to do, what I want to be. I thought I had that all figured out once, but it's been slowly slipping away. It makes me think of that scripture that says that the Holy Ghost will bring to your remembrance, so the solution seems clear- focus on bringing God into my life more and He can make more out of me than I ever could. But I forget. I forget to read the scriptures. I forget to pray. At least I go to church...but then I just forget about what we've been talking about. So there's some changes I want to make that I think can help me do some actual growing up. It's about time to start reading the scriptures everyday. A good friend once asking me sincerely, "Why don't you just read them in the morning before school?" I almost laughed if off as if she were being sarcastic, but when I realized she was serious I had to really think. "Because I'm lazy." "Because I value sleep over God." These thoughts were unsettling, so I think that's something I should take up. The problem though is sleep. I need more. So I'll have to do a little managing. Did I veer off topic? Not in my mind.